I recently attended a workshop hosted by Susan and John Ulfelder in Besthesda, MD. My intention for participating was to uncover any hindrances to maintaining a successful private practice as a life coach. Through the workshop, I uncovered how the concept of “interrupted reaching out” was relevant to my relationship with my business. ‘Interrupted reaching out’, a term frequently used by Constellation facilitators, speaks to inadequate attachment with one’s primary caregiver. The unavailability could present itself as not limited to illness, trauma, detachment, grief, mental illness, and geographical distance. This bonding deficit impacts many aspects of

Read the rest of → “Interrupted Reaching Out” and Business]]> By Melody Allen

I recently attended a workshop hosted by Susan and John Ulfelder in Besthesda, MD. My intention for participating was to uncover any hindrances to maintaining a successful private practice as a life coach. Through the workshop, I uncovered how the concept of “interrupted reaching out” was relevant to my relationship with my business. ‘Interrupted reaching out’, a term frequently used by Constellation facilitators, speaks to inadequate attachment with one’s primary caregiver. The unavailability could present itself as not limited to illness, trauma, detachment, grief, mental illness, and geographical distance. This bonding deficit impacts many aspects of one’s relationship to others and to life in general. In my constellation, the work drew me into my relationship with my mother. However, ‘interrupted reaching out’ phenomenon is not gender biased towards the maternal caregiver: the theory can be applied on a case by case basis.

Through the work, I realized that insufficient, encumbered, absent, or predatory bonding with one’s parent/s or primary caregiver can alter one’s world view. In my case, my challenging parental relationships forced me to challenge my ideas of God and false security. My mistrust in the outside world was projected onto my career and business endeavors. The session lead me through the emotions of self-pity, anger, grief, relief, understanding, clarity, and peace.

‘Interrupted reaching out’ can lead to basic trust issues with authority figures. Such trust issues can evoke a compensatory function of feeling either diminished or grandiose. In business, this can lead to an inability or tentativeness to bond with one’s professional identity, current and potential customers, helpful people, organizations, sponsors, and others. Such bonding or attachment issues, if unconscious, can seriously impact one’s business success. For me, my internal monologue is one of “not knowing enough” and so, to mitigate this propensity with proper due diligence, I strive to enhance my education and professional image. In my case, my ongoing personal work involved fully embodying the qualities of leadership, proficiency and bounty in my professional endeavors.

As I progress, my success can be grounded in the continued examination of my openness to receiving abundance in all forms of life. It can also grow into a surrendering to the circumstances and gifts of my birth-parental relationships. As we know, business and family are not separate from the evidenced cases in supervision and organizational constellation phenomenology. In the workshop, Susan Ulfelder offered a powerful image for surrendering when she stated, “Honoring your parents does not mean deification.” The idea of honoring feels achievable and is respectful to all parties involved.

Other Hellinger concepts that coalesce around the concept of ‘ interrupted reaching out’ and its relevance to business success include balancing the give-and-take dynamics in intimate relationships/contracts; balancing family loyalties in terms of allowing oneself to surpass one’s nationality, gender, or loved ones in success and wealth; and understanding the flow of love between systemic members that leads to an understanding of hierarchical relationships as sources of wisdom rather than intimidation.

The idea of allowing oneself to bypass the success of one’s parents could metaphorically translate into one’s relationships with teachers, mentors, and gurus. The ongoing challenge would be to give oneself permission to bypass them as well. The image that comes to mind is of a gifted young musician who is mentored by a renowned teacher and then becomes more famous than the teacher. This is the ultimate bliss for a conscious elder and for a healthy system—to see its members thrive.

A US-born Doctor of Chinese medicine had failed her herbal medicine Board examination twice. Soon to take it for the third time, she was becoming increasingly anxious. Her fears were undermining her studies, fueling even greater anxiety. She knew the material cold, but her mind swirled with images of failure scenarios.

Two weeks before the test, with shadows eroding her concentration, she asked for a Constellation to remove her worry. She wanted to pass with flying colors.

We began with basic questions about her current life and her family of origin. Her answers allowed me to

Read the rest of → Vietnam Constellation Story]]> by Dan Booth Cohen

A US-born Doctor of Chinese medicine had failed her herbal medicine Board examination twice. Soon to take it for the third time, she was becoming increasingly anxious. Her fears were undermining her studies, fueling even greater anxiety. She knew the material cold, but her mind swirled with images of failure scenarios.

Two weeks before the test, with shadows eroding her concentration, she asked for a Constellation to remove her worry. She wanted to pass with flying colors.

We began with basic questions about her current life and her family of origin. Her answers allowed me to perceive clues to who felt the anxiety of failure before her, what ancestral trauma might be held in genetic memory, and what hidden loyalty to failure was being involuntarily activated in response to this Board exam?

In a telephone Constellation, I stand as the various representatives, while the client imagines them. Moving in-and-out of the positions, we tune into feelings and sensations. The experience crosses the boundary of ordinary perception, as if the souls of departed ancestors are attending to their beloved children.

Slowly stepping through embedded family memories, we arrived in Vietnam during the 1967 Tet Offensive. Her father was a US soldier there. In that bloody jungle, among the shattered bodies of Americans and Vietnamese, we found the source of her anxiety.

At the height of the battle, the US Army unleashed the most concentrated application of aerial firepower and biological weaponry in the history of warfare. They blackened and poisoned a verdant jungle. Representing her father, I fell to the burnt earth surrounded by bodies of enemies and comrades. Shattered, he said, “I have failed.”

Cognitive understanding recognizes, but does not release, the root of anxiety. Constellations achieve their extraordinary effect because of what occurs next. We stepped out of the Constellation and entered a meditative cathedral where the souls of the ancestors spoke. They want to be seen and loved, but they do not want our misery, failures or sacrifices. In this case, the soldiers who died, both American and Vietnamese, an ancient master of traditional Vietnamese folk medicine, and the woman’s German-born maternal grandmother, herself a natural born healer, made their presence felt. They all blessed her for being a healer, assuring her she would pass the test.

She passed with flying colors.

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This private family constellation followed a business constellation for this client. A big secret and some shady energy had shown up in the business constellation that did not make sense to the client. I suggested it may be an entanglement in his family field.

The client placed a paper for each family member on the floor. The final arrangement was a circle. I represented each family member and all were looking intently at the center of the circle. I stood as the center of the circle and immediately felt like the center of a clock with

Read the rest of → You Belong to Us!]]> by Barbara Eggenberger

This private family constellation followed a business constellation for this client. A big secret and some shady energy had shown up in the business constellation that did not make sense to the client. I suggested it may be an entanglement in his family field.

The client placed a paper for each family member on the floor. The final arrangement was a circle. I represented each family member and all were looking intently at the center of the circle. I stood as the center of the circle and immediately felt like the center of a clock with my arms feeling like the hands of the clock. I stepped out of the role and asked if this image of a clock was meaningful to the client. He immediately began talking about an old Grandfather clock that had been in the family for several generations and the rightful ownership of this clock had been the subject of several lawsuits between family members.

Intrigued, I stepped back into the center of the circle and this time my body turned and looked at the far corner of the room. I put in a paper for “that which is being looked at” and went to stand on it. I fell into a deep trance state followed by strong inhales and exhales that went on for several minutes. With eyes closed, the breaths became rhythmic and my hands curled as if holding something and began to move in repetitive patterns as my head turned slowly from one end of the room to the other, breathing in and out at each point of the turn. I had the sense that I was clearing a huge energy field with my breath and hand movements.

Eventually the breathing stopped and my arms began moving slowly upward as if I were lifting something extremely heavy. As they reached the height of my head, my arms dropped down and my eyes popped open. I was looking directly at the actual client, not the representative, and I said in a voice booming with authority—“You belong to us!” This pronouncement was followed by a vision of a young woman with long black braids, dressed in leather holding a young child. I knew from the role that this was a granddaughter and great grandson who had been taken by the whites and made their own. Then the booming voice said, “First they took my lineage and then they took my land.”  This was followed by a powerful wave of grief.

I stepped out of the role and asked the client if he was aware of any Native Americans in his lineage and he said no, he was Irish. I noticed that although he had a very Irish complexion, his hair was black. I shared that what my arms were lifting felt like a curse and both the client and his wife shouted, “Oh my God!” and looked at each other in amazement. Apparently they spoke often of feeling cursed whenever they attempt to negotiate new transactions.  Things seemed to go mysteriously wrong.

The constellation continued and it became clear that the Native American ancestor belonged to the client’s maternal lineage and that there was tremendous shame associated with that fact. After the shame cleared and the family bowed to those who were excluded, I stood again as the Native American. My body straightened into a stance of immense power. I felt regal and strong and powerfully aware of the interconnectedness of the world. I looked at the client and spoke, “This curse is only lifted. It is not gone. To be entirely free from it will depend on how you deal with the people and the land. If you do so with integrity, it will eventually go away. If not, it will continue to cause difficulty in your life.”

A few weeks later this client emailed me asking if I had any idea what tribe this Native American ancestor was from and I said no. Two days later I was reading a book and the word Cherokee lifted off the page in bold letters. I emailed the client. Out of curiosity, I did a web search on Irish Americans and the Cherokee. To my surprise hundreds of hits turned up. Apparently these two had a lot of connections and much of it was similar to the constellation. Then I did a search on curses and again found many hits. Cursing the Irish was a common reaction that came out of the Cherokees’ feelings of powerlessness and betrayal.

The client’s business was buying homes in foreclosure and fixing them up to sell for a profit.

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